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  • Writer's pictureChristian Durham

Contemplating one's naval in a New World Order 2


So we have vegans, vegetarians, pescatarian and then the others. I am, in my random naval contemplations, today, not choosing to include those who are allergic or intolerant to things like gluten, lactose or stupid politicians.

I randomly looked up what the appropriate term is for people who also eat meat.

Meatarians (colloquial), meat-eaters, omnivores (animals capable of digesting both meat and plants), carnivores (animals that can only really eat meat and cannot digest plant material), non-vegetarians (assuming this means people who are not vegetarians as opposed to people who don’t eat vegetables), carnism (a meat belief system).

Of course, whether we chose to be vegetarians, be fed baby food when we are babies, or prefer to eat bricks (there was a documentary on it!), we are all omnivores. We can eat and digest meat and plants. So I think I am going to discount that one. We are also not carnivores as we can suck on a celery stick without gagging though I would assume sucking on a celery stick would take some time to gain much nutrition value but, hey, that’s why we have teeth! Although we also have teeth to bite nails, clack them together to annoy our partners and invariably when I am eating a salad, to bite the inside of my mouth.

I know I am already on a bit of a tangent, but I’m off on another one. What is it that makes us bite the inside of our mouths at the most inopportune moments. (Though that would also suggest there is an opportune moment to bite the inside of our mouth!) We spend most of our lives with our teeth and the inside of our mouths in close proximity to each other and all is fine. Then it is like, in the middle of eating or chatting or just contemplating navels, our brains decide to completely forget how to co-ordinate our teeth / mouth relationship and one is left swearing like a trouper and spitting blood. What evolutionary benefit is there in that? Our body is capable of making our heart beat every second of every day, week, month, year, decade we are alive, without a single thought. Autonomic, I believe, is the word. That keeps us alive. If that blipped as much as my teeth and mouth does, I wouldn’t be here to write this crap!

Anyway, back to meat. I’m a meat-eater. For most of my life, if a meal has not had meat in it, it is either a starter (and not a particularly good one at that) or a dessert.

I can honestly say that I love meat. A crispy bacon sandwich in white bread with butter and mayonnaise – that’s a good way to start the day. Crispy aromatic duck in a pancake with cucumber, spring onions and a generous dollop of hoisin sauce. A fillet or sirloin or t-bone or rump steak with chips, fired egg, mushrooms and peppercorn sauce. All ideas that make my mouth salivate. (From my previous paragraph, you may sense though that I am not a fan of eating bits of myself).

However, being partnered with a gorgeous person who cares about lots of things including the planet (and surprisingly – me!), I’m aware that eating a lot of meat is probably detrimental to the survival of the planet and also me. So while I am hunkered down in the this New World Order, I have decided to try and reduce the meat in my diet.

The only issue is that, for example, last night I had a pea shoot salad with spinach, avocado, red pepper, warm garlic mushrooms and a garnish of fennel. Hmmm. Sounds like something on a restaurant menu. I enjoyed it from the point of view that I was eating healthily and taking a break from meat (‘Yeah! I’m saving the planet!’ – my inner voice was shouting in celebration. ‘Yeah! I’m reducing my cholesterol intake!’ ). I watched my partner enthusiastically dig in to his. He’d added chickpeas to his but I’m only prepared to go so far to save the world!

My brain or my stomach (they are regularly one and the same thing) then spent the rest of the evening asking ‘so when is the main course?’.

Perhaps I need to retrain my mind to accept that eating non-muscle based things can be enough. Open to your thoughts, readers. Or possibly just reader!

I have also noticed that I have called this blog ‘Contemplating one’s naval in a New World Order’. My initial concept was that I would be ‘contemplating my navel’ but I seemed to have chosen an adjective rather than a noun for my blog. First thought is, of course, whoops! Second thought is – we are all diving into a New World Order so perhaps we should be contemplating adjectives instead. Support your adjectives! Nouns are not the only words!

Studying your navel is so passé!

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